Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Attachment/Bonding (friends and family)

I hadn't thought about putting this on my blog, but another fellow blogger had done this and I think it is a great place to put this info at - the Attachment/Bonding info (this is huge - and we will need your help)...  I have took from her some of what she posted and edited it (thank you for posting this).  Here are our expectations so friends and family can help us successfully become a family of 5!
  • We know everyone is excited to see us and we are excited to see everyone too but we have waited a LONG time to become a family of five and to hold our son so if you could hang on tight just a couple more weeks and let us learn how to be a family we would sooo appreciate it!! We are really good at waiting so we know you can do it!
  • We would love to have family and friends meet us at the airport for a little meet and greet.  Then we plan to go home as a family of 5!
  • Our goal is for him to learn that we are his family, this is his home, that we are not going to leave him. We want him to know that we are his safe place. 
  • We may make a quick trip to out to the grocery, shopping centers, or other places, but don't think that we are ready to open the flood gates.  At stores no one is there to interact with us, more specifically him.  We will be able to wear him in the carrier and keep his world small.  
  • We need to remember that WE as his parents are his attachment/bonding experts.  What you see in outside world is not necessarily what is actually happening at home.   Even if we have a happy outgoing kid when you see us, still be careful and remember all the attachment 101 stuff because you don't know how it will affect him and what the repercussions are at home later or at night.
  • I wish that adoption/bonding/attachment had a formula that we could predict but it doesn't so we just have to follow our instincts and trust what we feel is best for us at the time. (believe me, we question everything and second guess ourselves but we need to remember to go with our gut)  We may have to take steps backwards at times but we will get there.  Be patient because believe me when we get there its awesome!!
  • There is a HUGE difference between being bonded to us and being attached to us.  Jacob will hopefully bond to us fairly quickly and know that we are his Omma and Appa.  Attachment can take a long time and is a up and down process.  But we will get there!
Thanks Claire's Mommy for posting this - it reminded me that I needed to do the same (and I loved what you had posted).  This is a very hard topic, but the reality is that an adopted child is different from a biological child (everyone wants to pass the baby - this cannot happen with Jacob for awhile).  As said before, please be patient with us and him (we will get there)!

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